Robin Williams once said:
“I used to think the worst thing in life was to end up all alone. It’s not. The worst thing in life is to end up with people that make you feel all alone.”
I relate to his quote because when I was a “follower”, I felt the loneliest and most alone I had ever felt.
I asked myself this:
Who do I want to hang out with?
Who am I?
Once you know who are you, you’ll attract the right people. You’ll attract people who want to spend time with you because they like you, not the character you’ve created.
The second question was more important to me because I realized I am someone who enjoys talking about technology, who loves to joke around, I’m a fan of nature, museums, and especially the ocean. I enjoy supporting the people I care about. When I was hanging out with someone who made me feel depressed, and made me reflect excessively about what I said, I knew that something was wrong. That took a long time to process and a long time to get over.
I feel happier than I did when I was hanging out with a group in order to cure that “loneliness” which in totality, only became worse and manifested itself in obsessive-compulsive ticks as well as panic-attacks . If you feel happy when you’re alone or live alone, that means you enjoy your own company more than you enjoy the company of the people around you. Once someone whose company you start to enjoy more than the company of yourself appears, you certainly will pick the latter. But healthy company is enjoying the company, not simply feeling satiated because a presence makes you feel less lonely. That is different than being alone.
Hold yourself to higher standards and live accordingly
- On Friendship: I am an introvert but hide it well. Everyone who called me a friend, I felt privileged to hang out with them. When meeting strangers, my “friends” would demean me so to give the impression of status within the social circle. Every time I started working on myself, on my goals, on expressing my dreams and the hard work I put in everyday they would feel threatened and made sure to do something about it to put me down again. My life changed immensely once I became my own person and started from zero. Be around people that care about you and where you can provide two way growth.
- On Love: Ignoring the little things that bother you will add up in the end. When the bubble bursts you realize you dislike each other and you don’t even realize why anymore. But you are also so invested that it breaks you in half not having that person in your life ever again. Trust is key. If that is not present then you are just making each other miserable. Move on. Learn to love yourself again. And start over wiser.
- On Confidence: Stop waiting for your life to happen, you only have so much time, go live. Ask for that raise, apply for that job, create that project you always wanted, go on that trip you always wanted, speak when you believe you have something to say, make that phone call. You will get slammed back down more than you could handle sometimes, but it will also help you reach places you never thought possible.
- On Health: Walk, run, lift, do something. Live for your piece of mind. It teaches you discipline, it releases endorphins, and it enhances your brain activity. Make sure you put in the right fuel in your body. Start small, one soda can less per day and more greens on your plate.
- On Being Liked: I used to be everyone’s pet. Trying to be liked by as many people as possible. You become a prisoner of everyone’s opinion about yourself. The fact is some people will hate your work and you either way, some people will judge you either way, some people will expect for you to solve all their problems and hate if you can’t. The moment you start giving in to everyone’s opinion is the moment you stop being authentic. And people sense when you are fake. And then they like you even less. Don’t be afraid to shake the apple tree a bit to see what fruits remain after.
- On Parents: Your parents will give you advice that is outdated. Advice that is bad for you. They do it because they love you and want you to be safe. Don’t fight them. Don’t judge them. Nod your head and then do what your heart says. Call them and tell them how much you love them. One day you will be in their shoes doing the same thing. But they might not be around anymore.
- On Being Vulnerable: I wish I did it more. Nobody likes that perfect, no problems, amazing social-media-life, I’m-better-than-you person. It’s fake. Everyone has their ups and downs. Everyone is trying to get by. Everyone has something to offer to the world.